


Collision

by TortiTabby



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Car Accident, Drunk Driver, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I wont kill either of them Don't worry, M/M, Major Character Injury, Tour Fic, injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-05-28 21:53:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15058589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TortiTabby/pseuds/TortiTabby
Summary: A day full of arguing and disagreements on tour gets turned on it's head when an incident puts things in perspective.





	1. Chapter 1

Some days were better than others.  
That was the mantra Dan liked to tell himself on days like this. His therapist always told him he got too far ahead of himself and too far in his head and made things seem worse than they really were. He was trying to change that.  
Key word trying.

It started with a rough morning of running late, problems with the set, waking up in separate rooms and then having an odd day of not seeing eye to eye, then clashing once they were finally together. It was exhausting.  
“I don't like that idea.” Phil flat out said. Dan tried to quell the irritation that rose up from Phil stating that so bluntly in a room full of their crew. They probably should have discussed this in private first but there simply wasn't time.  
“We can't cut that whole part out but I don't want it to look tacky.” Phil added before turning to the crew member in charge of setting up the stage and discussing it further with him. Dan was pretty sure the man's name was Scott.  
_Interactive Introverts with Scott and Phil!_ Had a ring to it, and apparently it was their show now since his opinion was so much more valuable than Dan's.  
  
The small amount of patience Dan woke up with was not going to make it throughout the whole evening at this rate.  
_“Take a second and breathe before you go back into a stressful situation, Dan.”_ His therapists voice rang in his head.  
He made his way to the small plastic table that was set up with drinks and various snack items in the corner of the room. He had barley taken a deep breath in before he was being interrupted by Phil.  
  
“Seriously, Dan I need help with this. Snacks might have to wait.” He was looking at Dan with those damned multicolored eyes that Dan was so fond of. The purple rings underneath made them appear extra green today. _"A Sleepless Tour Night with Phil"_ his brain unhelpfully provided. Clearly the night apart didn't do any favors for either party. Dan felt a rush of sympathy towards his sleep deprived boyfriend.  
“Just grabbing a water, Phil.” He held it up and tried to sound more cheery than exasperated but he wasn't sure he totally nailed it.  
After another half hour of discussing the logistics of the show and the small changes they would have to make was finally over the rest of the day flew by.

  


Dan was feeling much better by the time they were walking off of the stage compared to when they had walked onto it earlier that day. He still felt slightly off, all things considered but he would welcome a tired day where he wasn't at his full mental capacity than an actual _bad_ mental health day.  
Phil on the other hand must not have gotten any sleep at all. He was proper grumpy and cranky before the show and Dan could see it starting up again after. Best bet would be to crawl into bed, together and start fresh in the morning.  
He looked at Phil who was yawning, and probably reading his mind at the moment.  
“I think we should have individual rooms again tonight.” He contradicted Dan immediately in a flat voice.  
“What why?” Dan asked, making sure to keep both his voice down and the disappointment in it to a minimum. It was a long day that had ended up being a fairly good one but he could feel that slipping through his fingers as he got more and more upset.  
"I just need space and there is none here. Don't give me that face I don't want to argue. I just want some pills for this damn headache and to go to bed with no distractions or delays.”  
Dan frowned at him.  
“Don't shut me out like that. Why didn't you tell me you were getting one of your headaches?”  
Phil ran his hand through his sweaty post show quiff.  
“Let's do this tomorrow it's been a long day.” There wasn't any real anger or irritation in his words but Dan couldn't help feeling slightly wounded. They didn't push each other away like this, they hadn't in years.  
He understood the need for space, though. In all actuality it was usually Dan that suggested different rooms or a night away for some space when they were on tour last time. Things just seemed so different this time and he didn't really feel the need to be apart like he had last time where he felt cornered under a spot light every now and then.  
“If that's what you want.” He heard himself say in a colder voice than the one that had thought it.  
  
Phil stared at him for a moment before pulling him into the now empty dressing room.  
“You have left every decision up to me all day long today, Dan.” He hissed. He looked more awake but Dan was now realizing that might not be what he wanted after all.  
“It isn't just my show. You can't just sulk after I don't like one idea.”  
“You didn't dislike it you immediately vetoed it.” Dan pointed out. So much for keeping his frustration at bay. “In front of the whole fucking crew, by the way.”  
Phil rolled his eyes that were growing more and more bloodshot the longer he stayed up.  
“So you decide not to help at all? You don't always get to just check out, Dan.”  
There it was. One of the few things they did not use against each other. Anxiety happens and so does depression. They were there to hold the other up when things get hard and never used it against the other.  
Somewhere Dan knew it was the exhaustion talking and that Phil would be far more upset with himself for saying something that even slightly implied anything that was within the realm of Dan's mental health slowing them down but he was tired too. Tired and now just plain angry.  
“Wow.” He finally said, eyebrows raised. The lump growing behind his Adam’s apple causing his voice to sound deeper and thicker than normal. He wasn't going to cry though, at least not in front of him.  
  
“There you two are.” Dan stiffened. “Half of us are going back to the hotel and half of us are going to head out to get some more food for the buses- who are you boys riding with? I still need to call the hotel and change your two rooms into a double but that shouldn't take more than a minute.” Their manager said this all while rapidly typing something on her phone.  
“I'll go to the hotel, and let's keep the rooms how they were.” Phil said with a tiny smile that didn't reach anywhere near his tired eyes. He was actively not looking towards Dan who was still silently fuming.  
“I'll go with for food.” Dan spat, not taking his eyes off of Phil.  
She looked back and forth between them for a moment.  
“Fix this before the show in two days, yeah?” She sighed and pointed towards a group headed towards the doors.  
“Dan your ride's leaving if you're going with for food. Phil, let's head back on the bus.”

Dan didn't say a word as he joined most of the crew that was heading to the store. It wasn't an uneasy silence, really. He had grown pretty close with a lot of the crew. There were a lot of unfamiliar faces but there were also ones he had gotten to know fairly well during their last tour. He couldn't help but feel touched that they had wanted to join their little family on the road a second time.  
By the time they reached the store he not only was over the spat he had with Phil but he was absolutely just ready to drop. Any energy he had that didn't go into the show was depleted after their argument. He should have probably just gone back to go to bed but he wanted to pick out the cereal he wanted for himself as well as find some strange American sweet he could use as a peace offering.  
He was deep in thought of what kind of treat say _“Sorry I was a jerk even though you were slightly more of a jerk but I still love the hell out of your stupid ass”_ when the shitty day finally came to a head with the sound of shouts from his peers and screeching tires.

  


One minute he was debating whether a block of cheese would be funny or if it was too soon for gag make up gifts and the next he was airborne. He seemed to fly for ages. His body hit the front of the car with a loud crash and tumbled along the hood of what seemed to be at one point a shiny gold car, now riddled with paint chipping off in cracks. His long body was propelled over the top of the windshield and in the back of his mind he heard the glass splinter and shatter underneath him. Then he was flying. His mind was desperately trying to send all the signals to his brain of where it hurt of what happened of what was still in the process of happening when he toppled over himself, limbs over head in a warped contortion of a cartwheel until he hit the asphalt with a sickening snap. He skid to a stop and stayed motionless as he heard a car door open and close.  
An unfamiliar voice slurred confused questions while ones he knew shouted and screamed. He could hear footsteps running towards him.  
“Somebody call Marianne now.”  
“Go get Phil. Someone needs to go get Phil.”  
“I dunno where 'came from. Didn't mean to. I didn't- I didn't see-”  
“Dan? Dan!”  
“Hello, operator? There was an accident-”  
Cold hands were touching his broken, crumpled body.  
“He's definitely breathing. He's not conscious though. Dan?”  
“Marianne? Y-you need to go get Phil and come down here. It's Dan.”  
His mind was sluggish but desperately tried to cling to what the voices were saying. Something had just happened. It was bad. He knew that. He knew he should try to wake up. To answer all of their questions and figure out what the hell just happened but the invitation of sleep at last outweighed any other possibility. He allowed himself to float into the dark abyss without any thoughts or cares as his world turned black and the darkness carried him into nothingness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil gets the news that something has happened to Dan and makes his way to the scene of the accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your interest and support! 
> 
> There is super brief mention of getting sick in this chapter so if that gets to you please use caution! (it is like as brief as this warning though)

Phil angrily jabbed his thumbs into his phone as he sent a text to his brother explaining he was headed straight to his room. He felt a little bad, they haven't had time to really spend much time together since they met up once they landed.  
Martyn would take one look at him and tell him how stupid he was being though. It was something Phil appreciated but didn't want to deal with tonight. He was going to crawl into the sheets and when he woke up tomorrow he would shower Dan with kisses and apologies for being such a massive twat today.

The anger had died down and left him frustrated mostly towards himself. There had been many times today that he had to make a call that he should have made with Dan only to find out he was still asleep in his hotel room, or he wasn't paying attention or that he even wandered into the next room over. When he finally made a suggestion that had already been made earlier in the day Phil had to physically restrain from tearing his own hair out.

He knew it wasn't all Dan's fault. Neither of them slept much on the plane and jet lag was wearing them down. This happen often. Dan was allowed to have off days and it was an unspoken agreement for the other to pick up the slack when one of them was trailing behind on days like this.  
Not throw what looking back could only be taken as a dig at Dan's mental health in his face. It wasn't how they did things and it wasn't even how Phil truly thought. He just wanted the pounding headache to stop and he wanted the unnecessary stress with Dan to stop with it.  
He shook the thought away as Dan's hurt expression washed into his mind's eye. That was what tomorrow is for. Tonight was for downing two water bottles and not waking up until someone physically forced him to.

 

A slender hand gripped his arm gently, causing him to jump out of his thoughts.  
“You're alright, yeah?” Marianne was a good manager and a good friend as well. Not the kind of friend to unpack all of this to but a good friend nonetheless.  
“I am just so ready for bed.” Phil smiled as they stepped into the lobby.  
She grinned back at him and opened her mouth to reply when her phone started buzzing loudly in her hand. She apologetically waved goodnight towards him as she answered.

 

He made his way towards the lifts when something in him made him turn back around for a last glance. His mum would tell him that it was his grandma's psychic abilities.  
_“You do get it from her, you know, Phil. You knew something wasn't right.”_ She'd say sagely.  
Something was definitely not right. Marianne stood in the same spot he had left her only instead of a tired smile on her face she was covering sheet white shock with a trembling hand.  
His stomach fell.  
Before he realized what was happening he had made his way back over to her. He could hear a faint buzzing and everything felt dream like and unreal. God he wished it was unreal.  
“Phil.” She was saying urgently. He could hear how her strong voice wavered slightly. Her eyes were large and alert. She took her phone away from her ear and ended the call.  
“Come on.” she broke into a sprint. “We need to go. Now.”  
“You need to tell me what's going on.” His voice that had been hard and strong in his head sounded small and fragile when he spoke aloud.  
“I'll tell you on the way.” She climbed into the back of the car.  
Phil stood at the door and tried to calm his breathing but wasn't having much luck.  
“What happened? Tell me it's not-”  
“It is. It's him Phil and I don't know how bad it is or the details but we need to go. _Now._ ”  
She was never the type to sugarcoat things and Phil was usually grateful for it. Now he wanted to be babied. Now he wanted to be pet on the head and told everything was just fine.  
His breath was catching in his throat. He couldn't fall to pieces now. Dan needed him and Phil wasn't even sure what all he would be needed for but he had to be ready. He was no help to Dan if he stood nearly crying outside of the car waiting to take him to Dan all night.

“All they told me was that Dan got hit by a car.” The voice next to him said softly once they started moving. She grabbed Phil's hands and gave them a light squeeze.  
“I don't know what we are going to be walking into or if the ambulance will have been there by the time we are there. Another person was already on the phone with the emergency operator when they called me. That's all I know. I'm sorry.”  
Phil pulled his hand away and shook his head. He couldn't speak right now. If he opened his mouth the sobbing and gasping for air would start up and it was taking everything that he had to not totally crumble.

 

They rounded a corner to find the store mostly empty save for a group of panicked looking people standing in a circle.  
There was a metallic colored car that was still running facing the ring of people.  
With a lurch of his stomach Phil couldn't help but take in the shattered windshield with what appeared to be blood on part of it.  
He couldn't breathe.  
What was the last thing he said to Dan? He hadn't said anything as he marched to his separate room like a child that had been scolded. What did he actually say though? What left his mouth that could possibly have been the last words he would ever be allowed to utter out loud to the person who meant more than the world itself to him? Why couldn't he remember? Why couldn't it have been _“I love you.”_ _“See you soon.”_ _Be careful._  
He pushed his way through the crowd after what felt like years. A crew member he didn't know the name of grabbed onto his arm and tried to stop Phil from seeing. He wrenched away without another word and nearly fell to his knees when he got to the middle of the circle. 

Dan's curls were a mess of blood and dirt tangled on his head. His limbs were bent at odd shapes that couldn't be right. Phil could see parts of Dan's exposed skin that was embedded with the black rocks from the asphalt. Everyone was standing deathly quiet. If Phil couldn't see the shallow movement of breath in his partner of every sense of the word's chest he wouldn't have been able to stay standing. He was at a loss at what to do.  
“Dan?” he started forward when another hand grabbed his arm and pulled him away.  
“They're here, Phil, let them help him.” Phil looked up and was surprised to see his brother clutching his arm tightly. Where had he come from? Was he with the group getting groceries the whole time? Regardless Phil was glad he was there and drew some strength from his presence.

The EMT's bustled around Dan urgently talking to each other in hushed urgent voices. In record time they had him strapped to a stretcher and were wheeling him towards the ambulance.  
“Wait!” Phil elbowed his way through to run along side them.  
“I'm coming with.”  
A kind looking woman looked him over.  
“Are you family?” She asked.  
“I'm- no? I'm his boyfriend. He needs me.” He placed a hand over one of Dan's. He tried not to think about the fact that it didn't move at all and was colder than he was expecting it to be.  
“Sorry. Family only.”  
“I'm family in anyway that counts!” Phil yelled angrily.  
“Sir. This is a time sensitive injury and we need to be going. You are not permitted to ride with us.” The man towards the top of the stretcher stated. His firm voice leaving little room for argument.  
“Excuse me! I'm his manager. I have all of his information and paperwork details. We aren't from here. Please let us accompany him.” Marianne panted as she ran over.  
They looked back and forth between the two before one of them nodded towards her.  
“There's only room for one. You. Let's go.”  
She gave Phil an apologetic look before hopping into the back next to Dan's stretcher and grabbing Dan's hand. She met Phil's eye and sent him a curt nod. She would take it form here.  
Before Phil had time to think the ambulance was racing away, siren blaring through the night. Phil watched the lights until he couldn't see them anymore.  
Once they disappeared between the traffic and tall buildings he leaned over and was sick all over where Dan had been just moments ago.  
This was a nightmare. It couldn't be real. He would wake up alone in his hotel room and go over to Dan's and never let him leave the warmth from their bed again. 

 

“He... He's gonnabe.. he's fine then right?” A very slurred voice asked from next to Phil. He turned to look at the tall, yet shorter than Phil still, bald man with bloodshot eyes blinking unevenly at him.  
“Sorry 'gain. I gotta get home now.” Spit sprayed from his mouth as he talked and Phil could smell the alcohol on his breath from where he was standing.  
Phil saw red. This man, this idiotic sorry excuse of a man had caused all of this by drinking and driving? He wanted to _go home_? Phil couldn't remember ever feeling as angry before in his life as he did in that moment. He grabbed onto the man's jacket and started to shake him.  
“You- You're sorry!?” His chest heaved. “You're sorry and you think you can just _go home _? You might have just killed my-” He froze. He might have just lost Dan for good.__  
“Phil!” Martyn wrenched the man's clothes from his fingers and pushed him away. He stumbled and fell backwards.  
Martyn was staring at Phil with an alarmed look like he had never seen him before.  
“The cops are here. Let the crew talk to them and let's go to Dan. You can't help him by acting like an idiot here.”  
Cornelia swooped in and pulled him into a tight hug. He could feel her shoulders shake as she cried.  
“He'll be alright. Let's go to him. Come on.” her soft voice dulled the rage that had made home in his chest. She lead the way to a car that was waiting for them, never letting go of his hand the whole way. 

Phil followed and sat between them in the back of the car that immediately started racing them to the hospital in a speed he was grateful for, but was sure wasn't legal. He felt numb and everything all at the same time and didn't know what to do with himself.  
He didn't feel like himself. Part of him was totally out of wack. Well, he reasoned to himself, part of him was away in the hospital having god knows what done to him.  
_“You don't always get to just check out, Dan.”_ Popped up out of nowhere in his head. That was it. He remembered. That was the last thing he said to Dan.  
He buried his head in his hands and finally allowed himself to weep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was trickier and gave me a hard time. Let me know what you think :) 
> 
>  
> 
> Also don't be afraid to harass me on tumblr:  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/tortitabby


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil gets to the hospital and the wait begins.

Phil wasn't sure how long the drive took or what happened around him on the way. He couldn't even really remember the walk inside but there he was sitting in the hospital waiting room knowing absolutely nothing about what was going on and feeling totally useless. The minutes turned to hours and the waiting was grueling.  
He couldn't stop replaying the mistakes of his day. There were a million things he could have done differently. If he would have just let them get the one room Dan wouldn't have left.  
“Hey, talk to me.” Martyn sat next in the empty chair next to Phil. He initially left to find Marianne or someone who knew what was happening. Phil knew he was just trying to keep himself busy and allowing his brother to help him felt like doing something right for the first time today.  
“I yelled at him.” He surprised himself by blurting out.  
“I said something awful and then said I wanted different rooms tonight. That's why he went with.” He could hardly make himself say it. Martyn was leaning in closer just to hear him.  
“Phil he went with because he wanted to. This isn't your fault.”  
Phil shook his head but didn't meet his brother's eyes.  
After a few minutes in silence Martyn stood and walked to the other side of the room. Phil didn't blame him. He was lousy company right now. He couldn't help but feel so angry at himself for allowing this all to snowball like it had. He had so much hate for himself. He welcomed the hate. The hate distracted him from the fact that Dan was probably alone by now somewhere in this hospital who knows how hurt. Maybe he would be broken into a million pieces. Maybe he could never be put back together. Maybe he was already gone and Phil was worrying over what was now essentially a corpse.  
  
  
A phone was suddenly being pushed into his hands.  
He stared up at Martyn in confusion.  
“Talk.” Martyn rolled his eyes.  
“Erm. Hello?”  
  
“Child.” He felt his eyes well up immediately at the sound of his mother's alert voice that was still hoarse from disuse and sleep. He didn't know what time it was back home but he knew it was far too late.  
He tried to make himself speak but found he didn't know where to start.  
“Phil.” She said. “He's a tough boy, our Dan. You hold it together because you know he'll give you hell for it if you don't.”  
Phil let out a wet laugh.  
“He would.” He agreed.  
“He will.” She corrected him sternly. “He's already going to never let you live down the story of you lifting that man off the ground just by his shirt.”  
Had his feet left he ground? He felt a stab of annoyance at Martyn for telling her. It wasn't his proudest moment. That being said he was glad for the both of them that man was as far away from his line of sight as he could possibly be.  
“Although,” She interrupted his thoughts. “I have a feeling he will be absolutely tickled by it all the same.”  
Phil felt wrong smiling at his mother's jokes but he couldn't deny he was feeling much more human and coherent than before.  
“Phil, that boy loves you so much.” Kath was no longer joking and Phil could hear the tears in her voice. “No stupid fight matters at the end of the day. You have nearly ten years of stupid fights and arguments and I am willing to bet you can only remember the details of a handful of those. How many good memories outweigh the bad? This is just a really bad one.”  
“Okay mum.” Phil whispered.  
The lift doors lit up and Marianne stepped out, looking windswept and worn out.  
“Mum I have to go. I think we are getting an update.”  
“Go then!” She urged. “You give Dan all my love when he wakes up.”  
Phil felt a rush of gratitude and love towards his mother and agreed before hanging up. 

“He is in surgery now.” Marianne said as soon as he ended the call.  
“I'm sorry Phil they wouldn't tell me anymore than that but the nurse kept telling me no news was good news.” She paused. “I shouldn't relay this because I'm not sure how accurate it all is now but in the ambulance I know they said he's got a concussion and a broken leg. They were worried about some other things but I didn't catch it.”  
She seemed to read his mind.  
“He was out the whole ride. Sorry, Phil.”  
She jerked her head towards the closest nurse's station.  
“I finished the massive amount of paperwork they had for me. I just need to make sure they're all set here and then I've got some calls to back home to make.”  
He nodded and ushered her away. She was really going above and beyond and when he found his voice and the ground to place his feet on again he promised himself he would make sure she knew how appreciative he was.  
Phil sighed and handed the phone back to Martyn who gave him a sheepish look.  
“That... that helped a lot.”  
“But I can't believe you told her about me trying to fight that guy!” he added after a minute.  
Martyn gave him a small smile.  
“I can't believe it happened! You were scaring _me_ , mate!”

  


They spoke softly on some lighter subjects for the next hour. Cornelia kept Phil company after Martyn fell asleep on her shoulder. They had joined last minute and were still fighting off the jet lag. She promised him she'd sit there with him, though and he believed her.  
Just as he was losing the battle of keeping his eyes open himself a short woman in sea green scrubs made her way over to their group.  
Phil suddenly felt ill again.  
“Family of Daniel Howell?” She asked.  
“That's us.” Martyn said next to Phil.  
“We thank you for your patience tonight. We had another accident come in on emergency so we've all had our hands tied and were unable to send someone to speak to you sooner.”  
Phil was growing impatient.  
“How is he?”  
She gave him a bright dazzling smile.  
“He's going to be just fine. He's a bit bruised up and he's going to be pretty sore for awhile but all things considered he's a very lucky guy!”  
Phil was aware of everyone cheering around him but he hardly heard it. He felt nearly delirious with relief.  
“He had surgery on his leg that was broken. That's what really took the most time we just had to go in and reset it and make sure it was all good to go. He has a slight concussion and he fractured his clavicle” She pointed to her own collarbone. “So he will have to be in a sling for some time. We think he may have a small amount of internal bleeding where his hip hit the car but overall we aren't too concerned about that and it should correct itself all on it's own in no time. He just needs rest and he'll be just fine.”  
He thanked the surgeon profusely and pulled her in for an awkward hug. She pointed them in the direction of the nurse that was on duty.  
“She'll sort you out for visiting. You folks have a great night.”  
  
  
He wanted to celebrate and cheer with his brother and friend's but he didn't even spare them a glance as he hurried to the nurse waiting for them behind the desk.  
“Hi. I'm here to visit Daniel Howell?”  
She looked up from her glasses and thumbed through some paperwork.  
“Yes, alright it looks like he's still asleep so it's going to be family only until he wakes up and says he's good to go for visitors.” She met his gaze. “Are you family, Sir?”  
“I'm- yes. I'm family.”  
She didn't seem to believe him. “Sir,” she said dryly. “How are you related to the patient?”  
“I'm his boyfriend.” He said angrily. He just wanted to see Dan. To see for himself that he was fine. He couldn't wait any longer.  
“Sorry boyfriend's aren't covered under family. Anyone could say that and get back there.” She looked bored.  
“Please.” He whispered. She ignored him.  
“I'm his emergency contact!” He suddenly remembered.  
She logged into her computer moving slower than Phil knew any person was able to move.  
“You're Marianne?” She was clearly irritated at this point.  
“You might be his emergency contact over there but it doesn't look like you are when you are in the States. Sorry, Sir.” Phil wasn't even sure how that had happened. He wanted to argue and stomp his feet.  
  
“Hi, I'm Marianne.” A hand stuck out to the nurse to shake and she took it hesitantly.  
“Phil let me talk to her. Go sit back down.” There was no room to argue so Phil did as he was told.  
A few minutes passed before she took her seat next to Phil.  
“Took some time to get it all sorted but you're good to go.” No sooner had the words left her mouth before Phil was throwing his arms around her.  
He hurried off to see Dan after promising he would send everyone's well wishes to him.  
He felt like this night took years off of his own life and it was about damn time that Dan was back by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't even ask how I updated this so soon because I absolutely don't have the answer


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan wakes up.

Dan was surrounded by sounds that were unfamiliar. He knew them in a way, he had heard them before but they seemed wrong. What were they and why were they wrong? He shouldn't be hearing the loud beeping and hurried feet squeaking along hard floors. He shouldn't be smelling the strong scent of disinfectant. He felt wrong as well. Something heavy had happened. Something bad. To him? He couldn't remember. Where _was_ he?  
He blinked the bright fluorescent lights out of his eyes and tried to look around the room. It was hard to push past the fog in his head to think clearly.  
It was a cozy room all things considered. He quickly realized he was laying in a hospital bed in an otherwise empty room.  
One arm was crossed over his chest and his leg was suited in a cast.  
The accident came rushing back to him in a whirl of hysteria. He had been hit. He remembered smashing into the windshield and careening across the rocky asphalt. He remembered the slurred voice he hadn't heard before calling out. He remembered the alarmed shouts from people he did know yelling frantically before he lost consciousness.

Shouldn't he be unable to remember any of this? Didn't people usually wake up days later and have no idea what happened to them? Dan didn't want to remember. What if it _was_ days later? Why was he by himself? Where was everyone?  
His chest started to heave as his mind went into overdrive. A blinding pain bloomed from his shoulder down through his chest.  
“Hey! Calm down. Deep breaths now, Daniel. Slowly.” He opened his eyes to see a kind faced woman with graying hair smiling down at him. She fussed over the different machines and IV's that were around his bed and he couldn't help but notice her scrubs were of Winnie the Pooh. He suddenly felt like a child and craved his grandmother worrying over him and caring for him.  
  
“What happened?” Phil came running into the room, spilling the coffee that was clutched tightly in his hand in the process.  
“Give me room for just a moment I'm giving Daniel something more for the pain. Where's your pain, dear?”  
Dan tore his eyes away from Phil. He was still trying to calm down. It was easier now that he had seen Phil. Of course he wasn't here alone, what a stupid thought.  
“My” He paused. His voice was nearly unrecognizable. He could see Phil's face bunch up in worry. “My shoulder and my-my chest.” he managed to get out.  
“Alright that's what I thought. You dislocated your clavicle. Your collarbone area is going to be pretty sore for awhile. Your leg might give you some trouble, too. It was broken in two different places but we got you all fixed up and you're going to be just fine. I'll give you something for the pain and it'll probably make you sleep for a bit more, okay, Daniel?” She rubbed his good shoulder gently with her thumb and gave him a soft smile. He was surprised at how grounding it was and felt a rush of gratitude towards the older woman.  
Dan nodded and looked back to Phil, whose expression was unreadable. It wasn't something Dan was used to not being able to do. He knew that man better than he knew himself.  
  
The nurse finished her job and left his room.  
For there only being two people in the room there was an abundance of awkward tension. It wasn't like this very often for them and Dan felt himself getting frustrated. He had no idea why it would be this awkward. He wanted to cry and then sleep forever. Was Phil still angry about before? The details of their previous argument were fuzzy. Sleep was coming in fast.  
“I'm so shit.” Phil said softly. Dan didn't hear him move in closer but he must have at some point. Dan could feel the ghost of Phil's touch as he carefully and gently rubbed Dan's uninjured arm up and down in a soothing motion.  
“I couldn't even be in the room when you finally woke up.” Phil sounded furious.  
Dan wasn't sure if he managed to reply or not as the rest of the room faded back to white.

 

“I already tweeted about tomorrow's show. I just need you to cancel the rest of it.” Dan's eyes snapped open. He already felt more alive than he had the first time he woke up. The world came in crisper and clearer. He could feel the dull pain on the right side of his body from his leg and collarbone but all things considered he was feeling okay.  
He looked to the only chair in the room that Phil was sitting in, rigid as a board. He didn't see that Dan was awake yet and had his phone pressed tight against his ear. It must have been important if it was a call. Phil wasn't fond of phone calls and preferred email and text if he could get away with it.  
“I understand, Marianne but it's my call and I don't think we should keep going. Maybe we could do the rest of the tour but I don't think we should finish America.” He paused. Dan could hear the squeak of a frantic voice replying to him.  
“Dan's not awake. He'll have to understand. He's not doing the rest of America.” There was no room for argument and his voice was hard and didn't sound at all like his Phil. Phil turned to glance at Dan and nearly jumped out of his skin.  
“I have to go. Please sort that all out and send me a text.” He hung up without waiting for an answer and hurried over.  
“Hey, you.” he said softly and reached for Dan's curls.  
  
Dan jumped away from his touch, barley managing to contain the rage he felt. What was Phil thinking? How could he make a call like that without talking to Dan first? He had never in their whole relationship felt so betrayed by Phil before and he didn't know how to handle it. He couldn't have a civil conversation right now. He just wanted to scream at him. How many people did they just let down? How many kids saved their money just to go and see them this summer? What an idiotic move on Phil's part. A hurt collarbone and a broken leg? He was fine. He would be fine.  
  
“Dan?”  
He snapped his attention back to Phil.  
“Get out.” He was happy to hear his voice didn't shake.  
“What? Why?” Phil had the audacity to look like a kicked puppy. He looked lost. Dan tried not to focus on the grease in Phil's hair or how bloodshot his tired eyes were behind his glasses. He reached for Dan again.  
“Phil get the fuck out of my room!” Dan yelled before tearing his gaze away.  
He could hear Phil hesitantly make his way out to the door. He looked up in time to see Phil rounding the corner of his room, looking back into the room with a confused expression but not meeting Dan's eyes.  
The second he couldn't see him anymore Dan burst into tears. The light shaking of his chest as he sobbed triggered stabbing pains he chose to just ignore. His mind was racing. It was all too much. Why couldn't Phil just wait to make career altering decisions like that? How could he just leave him out like that? He blinked tears away as he stared at the ceiling tile above his bed that had a cloudy sky painted onto it. Dan wished he could have just slept ten more minutes and be oblivious to the call he overheard. Phil would still be in the room doting over him and he wouldn't feel so alone. Everything had gotten so fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled with this chapter a lot and actually had another whole chapter written from Phil's POV that just didn't work before I wrote this one.  
> (Don't start a chaptered fic and just wing it as you go because it will catch up to you lol)  
> So let me know what you think! 
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr I get nervous to talk to people and only ever talk to like two people (who are great) I might also ask opinions on things I'm writing or thinking about writing or just repost a lot of things about how much I love the two of them but anyway   
> my tumblr:
> 
> tumblr.com/blog/tortitabby


	5. Chapter 5

Phil slammed the wooden heavy double doors to the waiting room open and stomped over to his bag that was by Martyn. He and Cornelia were waiting to visit with Dan once he woke up but Phil suspected that they were there for his support as well. Some of the crew had turned up on and off and he was glad to see there were only a few members currently.  
“Woah Phil” Martyn jumped up and went to grab onto Phil's arms before recoiling after seeing his face.  
He grabbed the end of Phil's sleeve and pulled him into an empty bathroom.  
“Hey you're hyperventilating there, Dibs. Take a deep breath.”  
  
He hadn't heard that name in quite some time. He must have really looked like shit. Phil hadn't even noticed his own labored breathing. He did some small breathing exercises that Dan had found for him on a particularly bad anxiety night. The thought of Dan brought reality crashing back on top of him.  
His lungs were now actively doing their job correctly but Phil still felt shaky.  
  
“He hates me.” He said after a long stretch of silence.  
Martyn looked at him like he was the dumbest person he had ever seen.  
“Phil I'm not even sure if that's capable.” he half laughed.  
“ _Get the fuck out of my room Phil_ weren't exactly the first words I thought I'd hear once he woke up.” Phil replied bitterly.  
“Why would he hate you?” Martyn was no longer laughing.  
Phil just shook his head. He couldn't get into it right now.  
“Look, you are exhausted I'm sure things aren't half as bad as you think they are right now. Go back to the hotel and get some sleep. Let Dan come off of whatever they have him on that's making him crazy and you two can sort this out once you've rested.”  
“I can't go back to the hotel alone.” Phil said in a tiny voice.  
“Well then sleep in the waiting room. There's a small couch you can curl up on.”  
“It's my fault he's here. I know it and it looks like he knows it too.” Martyn opened his mouth to argue but Phil held a hand up.  
“I wasn't even in the room when he woke up. I'm not doing anything the right way, Martyn.”  
“Let's just get you to that couch right now, okay?” He finally replied after a stretch of surprised silence.  


  


“Morning sleepyhead.” Cornelia was sitting in the chair next to Phil gently shaking him awake.  
“They're discharging Dan now. Up an at 'em”  
Phil bolted upright.  
“Already? Are they sure?”  
“I'm pretty sure they know what they're doing.” Dan was being wheeled into the room by Marianne. There was a joking tone but Phil could read the irritation underneath.  
“How are you feeling?” Phil asked in a small voice.  
“We need to discuss tour things, Marianne. I understand tomorrow's show had to get canceled but I want to try to reschedule it and I'm not missing any other shows.” The spot on Dan's jaw was glowing red as he looked up at their manager from his chair. He was defiantly not looking Phil's direction. Phil felt Cornelia softly pat the back of his arm. He wanted to argue with Dan but knew better than to try. Admittedly seeing Dan outside of the hospital bed made Phil feel much better than he had at the prospect of touring more.  
“Alright give me just a moment.” There were only a handful of times he could remember seeing her look flustered since Phil had met her. She gave a list of orders to the crew in order to get ready and soon enough it was just the three of them in the back of an empty car that had brought them back to the buses.  
  
“Okay, boys. This has been a crazy couple of days. It's already on twitter.” She looked pointedly at Phil. “The backlash from the first show being canceled isn't anything that we can't handle and I have a call in the morning to postpone it instead of cancel it and we can hit it at the end of the tour.” She paused and looked at them both.  
“You're going to have to work out whatever this is before you're on stage again. Dan we will have a meeting before the next show to figure out how to accommodate you better until you're all healed.” She stood up.  
“The next show is in three days. There's going to be a lot of bus time so please don't make it all be in awkward silence.” She sighed and stalked off, already with her phone to her ear.  


“She needs a raise.” Phil said and grinned over at Dan who just stared back blankly.  
“Listen, Dan.” Phil sighed. “I'm sorry I wasn't in the room. I know it doesn't matter but I swear I was the whole time until I couldn't just sit there anymore so I got up to go get some coffee and that's when-”  
“Phil I don't give a fuck about your coffee!” Dan growled. “I can't believe you tried to cancel _our_ tour from underneath me. I'm not a child and I'm not suddenly useless just because I have a few broken bones.”  
Phil knew he had seen Dan this angry before, it was hard not to have seen it all when you're together that much for that many years, but it wasn't a look he'd seen often. It wasn't one that he wanted to be able to say that he'd seen.  
“I can't believe you didn't even wait until I woke up! Did you cancel it while I was still in surgery what were you thinking?”  
Phil narrowed his eyes at Dan.  
“I was thinking you were in some American hospital having surgery and I had no idea what was going to happen!”  
Dan rolled his eyes and Phil knew there wasn't going to be any getting to him today. Dan had been sitting on this since he woke up and had time to stew about it. His lines were rehearsed and points were triple checked. Phil didn't have a chance. It was time like these that Phil thought Dan wouldn't have made a half bad lawyer if he had chosen that route.  
“You weren't thinking. I never would have done something like that behind your back and you don't speak for me anyway.” He opened his door and carefully set his walking boot cast on the ground.  
“Dan let me at least help you to the bus please.”  
“I need space Phil. I'm so bloody mad at you.” He slowly started standing up. Phil was grateful for the crew member who dashed over to help, laughing lightly with Dan as they made their way to the bus.  
  
  
It wasn't an awkward silence as the bus rumbled across the vast American landscape that night. There were jokes and smiles and generally a good mood all around. Dan avoided his gaze at all cost and Phil wanted to sleep for the next five days and ignore any responsibilities they had but he kept it all locked away behind a fake cheery exterior.  
The topic of the accident came up and Phil gladly sat it out.  
“It was so scary”  
“I'm glad you're okay, buddy.”  
“I can't believe Phil lifted the guy that hit you up by his shirt after he saw you.” Phil gave his brother the dirtiest look he could muster up at that.  
He refused to look towards Dan any more that night to save himself the embarrassment and unnecessary hurt.  
  
They watched a movie Phil didn't remember the name of as they ate their fast food dinner Phil didn't even taste and before long it was finally time to retire to the bunks for the night.  
“Uh. I need to swap someone. There's no way I can climb up and down into a top bunk.”  
“Oh I'll switch you I didn't even think of that.” Phil said. Cornelia volunteered her bottom bunk at the same time.  
“Thanks, Corn.” Dan said and made his way further down the bus.  
Cornelia gave Phil a hesitant smile as she pulled herself into the bunk above him.  
Phil laid there for what must have been an hour or two before the bus fell in total silence, save for the occasional snore.  
Dan felt so far away from Phil in every sense. The bus wasn't that big, and if he whispered loudly Dan could probably hear him. It just didn't feel right, though. Sleeping at the other end of the bus away from each other was almost more than Phil could handle. He could feel his heart start to race, all the stress and anxiety of the past few days catching up with him finally.  
His curtain was pulled back suddenly, startling him out of his downward spiral.  
  
Dan stood silently in his mussed up pajamas, curls askew, and a sour expression stamped on his face.  
“Move over.” He whispered.  
Phil did as he was told without hesitation and after silently struggling for a few moments Dan was pressed next to him and mostly on top of him inside of his bunk.  
Phil leaned over and pulled his curtain closed again.  
The only sounds were their quiet breathing. He wanted to enjoy Dan being so closed to him for as long as he could. He inhaled the familiar scent that had quickly become his favorite over the last decade. He wanted to stay like this forever but Phil knew they needed to talk. He opened his mouth to break the silence but Dan beat him to the punch.  
“Hey” his voice was soft and melted into Phil's skin, instantly relaxing his tense muscles. It was forgiving and loving and the voice of his very much alive and well, stubborn boyfriend.  
“I didn't know you saw me.” Dan continued quietly. “I thought that when I woke up in the room, which I'm not mad at you about by the way, was the first time since the accident. You were there?”  
Phil tried to swallow the lump that had grown in his throat. He brought his hand up to awkwardly run through Dan's curls. It was hard to tell who it was a comfort to more.  
“We got the phone call and weren't too far away. It took the ambulance a bit to get to you. You were just laying there and there was blood and you were unconscious” He couldn't continue.  
“I'm alright, Phil.” He stared up into Phil's eyes fiercely from where his head had made itself home on Phil's chest.  
“Sorry I was such a dick.” He whispered. “I don't think I could have held it together as well as you did.”  
Phil laughed bitterly.  
“I'm glad it looked like I did, then.” He leaned down and kissed Dan as deep and as soft as he possibly could. He tried to say all of the things unsaid in the kiss.  
_I love you. I'm sorry. I was so scared. I'm so happy you're okay._  
Dan smiled widely up at Phil. The message seemed to be well received.  
“I can't believe you picked that guy up by his jacket. Your brother said his feet were off of the ground?”  
Phil groaned but couldn't hide his amusement.  
“That's pretty hot there, Philly.” Dan laughed as Phil hid his face in Dan's curls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being so supportive for my first chaptered work.  
> It was definitely challenging at times, mostly due to me not planning ahead much.  
> Let me know what you all think of it! 
> 
> Come be my friend on tumblr:  
> tumblr.com/blog/tortitabby

**Author's Note:**

> I have been wanting to write something like this for a long time. It took me a long time to figure out how I wanted to do this. Let me know what you think! 
> 
> Harass me on tumblr:   
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/tortitabby


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